Many people today think that it is easier to live without love. This was Leo Tolstoy’s way of thinking when he was young. He sinned a lot: "he killed in a duel just to kill, lost at card games, lived off the labours of peasant men, executed them, fornicated and cheated". However, when assessing the past and repenting of all his deeds sincerely, the great Russian writer came to the conclusion: "It’s easier to live without love. But it makes no sense".
Can there be a relationship without love?
There are many couples where a relationship has long reached its limits. There is no passion between these people, no love, no mutual understanding, no mutual respect, no common interests. In short, nothing except emptiness. However, everything seems to be not so terrible when there is no love in a relationship (otherwise, they would have parted long ago), but they don’t feel happy being together. Quarrels and disagreements happen so often and on so many occasions that it becomes impossible to tolerate them.
There is no common pastime, or it just does not bring joy. Mutual irritation is growing. As a rule, there is already a child (children) in that family, as well as co-property (otherwise, the issue would not be so acute, since if there’s nothing common, it is much easier to make a drastic solution).
Why do people enter into relationships without love?
Does it make sense to just "exist" together? Isn't it better to break up and not to torment each other? Before answering these questions, we have to understand what forced partners to start a relationship without love.
It often turns out that there were no tender feelings, respect, or common interests from the very beginning. Life circumstances - most often, financial difficulties - force people to enter into a relationship with someone who can help solve financial problems.
However, a relationship of convenience, even if it is mutual, can rarely be happy. Usually, in such couples, one partner deceives the other and communicates with him/her pursuing her/his own sordid motives. Isn't it easier to find other ways to solve material problems than to live with an unloved person? After all, you will have to spend your whole life searching for the meaning of a relationship without love, which will be replaced by a sense of duty, at best.
Pressure from society
Surrounding persons including parents convince you if you're lonely that you live the wrong life since you haven’t yet found a soulmate. People with low self-esteem cannot resist such pressure from the network. A diffident single does not think about whether it is possible to live without love. There’s one thought in his/her head: what will the others say? After all, he/she thinks they are always right and know better how to live. To earn their approval, a person decides to start a relationship with anyone, even with the first comer.
Some people agree to a relationship out of pity for a potential partner. Most commonly, too compassionate women do it. They hope that over time they will be able to change the unloved man and help him cope with his shortcomings. Such a lady hopes that she can love her partner sooner or later. However, people never change at someone's will.
There is a certain category of people who can find neither their mission nor their place in life. Therefore, a love relationship is the only available entertainment for them.
For such people, a relationship is a kind of adventure. They try to use it just to fill the void in life. But this is a dead-end road since people find soulmates and create families to pursue the goal together, while a relationship with a person of the opposite sex cannot be one’s mission in life.
What should you do if there’s no love in a relationship?
The answer to this question is clear: destructive and meaningless relationships without reciprocity do not bring happiness and do not change life for the better.
After realizing this truth, start a dialogue with yourself, and then with your partner. Here is a rough itinerary for getting out of the maze called "Antipathy”:
- Look inside yourself: what do you want, how do you feel? A lot depends on this since no conventions and logical arguments will make you happy without your consent.
- Talk to your partner. Find out what makes you stay together. What does your soulmate think about it, what does he/she want, what’s his/her vision for tomorrow? Without a common goal, the relationship becomes meaningless - there is no development, no pleasure, no happiness.
- Try to understand for yourself whether you value your partner. What does your soulmate mean to you? Is there something to hold on? Let your loved one ask a similar question about you. Try to understand whether each of you wants to change something: work on yourself, and evaluate the efforts of the other.
- Imagine that your partner will disappear from your life. Will it get easier or harder for you? Indulge in fantasies for a while, imagine your separate future in all the details. Are you interested in it? Do you need it?
- Think about the fact that being single doesn't always mean being alone. Successful and happy people are not alone, for others are attracted by their optimism and success. It should also be remembered that like calls to like, so a person who is amenable to manipulations by others, can hardly count on a relationship with someone who’s successful and self-sufficient.
What will be the result of all this work? It's up to you two. Now, you and your partner have food for thought, and perhaps you can come to productive conclusions that would suit you both.
Don’t miss your chance
It’s obvious that the root of the problem of meaningless connections is the inability of a person to build equal relationships with others. Therefore, he/she is easily influenced by people and agrees to an unnecessary relationship. It can be quite difficult for a single person to avoid the temptation to give in to persuasion and start a relationship with someone to please other people in order to be like everyone else. However, one must always remember that each of us is the master of his/her own life, and the consequences of a relationship without love will have to be dealt with by those who were in them.
Those who still think about whether they should start such a relationship, should remember: everyone has a chance to meet love, but it can be easily missed after choosing the wrong partner. “Time works wonders” - in most cases this rule does not work. So before you start a relationship without love, you should ask yourself: do you really want to sacrifice your personal happiness and your own opinion in order to be like everyone else?
To make a balanced, deliberate and correct decision, you need to hold more than one dialogue with yourself, reflect on many issues, and imagine your immediate and distant future in various situations.