In many languages there is a clear difference between true love category and just being in love which is called affection or passion. These kinds of feelings show their difference in behaviour, duration, motivation, care, responsibility and goals.
The difference between "true love" and "affection"
Why people pay attention to this difference in feelings? Because it's important for the person who is the object of feelings. When you understand that your partner is deeply in love you feel more safe and honoured. You feel blessed with this true love. You feel sure that it won't last a couple of months.
When we speak about affection it has a sense of disregard. You think that your partner doesn't respect you much and is just concerned about his or her feelings and wishes. No. Affection is not the same with passion when a person is thinking only about his or her desire. But it's close. Ego is a dominance.
True love is a feeling when the other person is even more important and valuable for you than yourself. Your lover's feelings, interests and needs you put on the first place or on the same with yours. When you feel affection your emotions grow to the Moon but your ego doesn't decrease.
What is your behaviour when you feel affection
The signs of affection are very alike with the signs of true love:
- your emotions are like a fireworks;
- you think a lot about your lover;
- you need to see your partner as much as you can;
- you feel united like two parts of one;
- you try to stay in touch even if you're very busy;
- you use everything to make your lover happy and you make nice surprises.
But there is one major difference. When you feel affection you feel desire and physical passion, you need a lot of sex. When it's about true love sex is just one of the ways to stay in touch and feel each other, it's not a dominance in relationship. And the period of feelings is different too. Affection lasts over several months, maximum a year. True love stays deeply in heart and it can live in this deep till the end of your life.
How is true love shown
What's true love? True love isn't only a feeling. It's a mix of responsibility and a will to love someone. Love is shown not like an emotion but like a decision. True love can be noticed in care, tenderness and freedom. When you love you don't try to take away your partner's freedom. You respect the choice of other person.
To illustrate true love you can think of such idea: love is not about looking at each other but looking in one way. Another understanding of love phenomenon is showing that love isn't about sex, about addiction to someone. We love our family, friends and children and feel the same feeling as we love someone special. Because it's not about only physical, about passion. True love stays till the old age when you're not thinking about sex.
True love can be noticed when someone cares about you. This care should show a will to love your partner like he or she needs but not to love in your egoistic way. For example, if you want to make your lover pleased and invite him or her to the restaurant you should go to the place with his or her favourite kitchen not yours.
Is there true love without affection
True love is a very broad category. It fulfills many types like love to children, love to parents, love to friends, love to God. And we see that all these kinds of love can be without any affection or passion. True love usually increases the emotional level but not the feelings.
Affection is a kind of storming waves on the surface of the sea and true love is a calm deep. People enjoy emotions. They prefer emotional fire to the warmth of the heating radiator. But when the fire dies heating radiator becomes more attractive in their mind.
How long lasts true love and affection
Affection lives as long as strong emotions live. There is an opinion that affection is a part of a mating season originated in our human nature as biological species. It's about 2-3 months maybe a year but no longer. For example, there is a first year crisis in couples when they start to feel less love and passion after a year of relationship. It shows that their mating season with affection is gone.
The next step is a building of serious relationship. True love isn't a blessing. It's a work. You must grow your feelings, decrease your ego and understand how to treat each other in the name of true love. The processing time of love is a mystery. In many examples it lasts till the end of your life. Not only in a fairytale. But in reality it lasts till the time you give up and stop working in your relationship.
When does affection grow into true love
Can affection grow into true love? Yes, there are many couples who could help their feelings to jump on the new level. But it's not an everyday practice. It's more an exception than a rule. It doesn't work automatically. Affection dies in a period of 2-3 months. And it's OK.
If you understand that your feelings are a kind of affection you should start working on your relationship. Start to behave like a person who takes responsibility, who can calm down ego and make focus on a partner. This true love's manner will help to start a new kind of communication, behaviour and will make evolution of affection.
But the problem is that while you feel affection you don't understand it. You're sure that you feel true love. Only a specialist or really smart partner can show you this mistake. You shouldn't have any illusions about a kind of your feelings to start transformation.
At the bottom we need to understand one simple truth. There is no true love without true work on it. Especially in our century when egoism, hedonism and individualism have become a holy Trinity of our civilization. And a marriage isn't a guarantee of transforming affection into true love. That's why many young people prefer to check their feelings. They start living together and when they become sure in mutual love they think of marriage and family. It seems the only way for some couples to understand whether they feel love or affection. Because their busy lifestyle doesn't leave them a chance to know each other better dating once or twice a week.